A letter to my player (not quite in character)

((This letter is out of character, in an in character way. Someone on one of my message boards started a thread with the idea of writing as your D&D/roleplaying character leaving you a note, so I wrote this up a few days ago. I think this is a cute idea, so I may do more of these in the future. If I do, none of these posts will be canon; obviously this is out of character because he's talking to me, but it's sort of in character because it's Cyneric doing the talking.))

To my writer, Meri:
I know you miss your old bard, but get over it! It has been almost four years since that campaign, so you'd think you would have forgotten about it and embraced the current one by now. Don't make me charm you into some sense with my Rod of Beguile; it still has nearly fifty charges left, you know, and I'm sure Hermes would approve. Besides, you should be proud of me; I'm going to be High Messenger in the relatively near future, and that silly elf of yours never accomplished anything near as great! He never even got a henchman, despite his annoyingly high charisma (granted, my henchman is an orc, but still; I'd like to see him turn an orc into a civilized bodyguard and trusted friend!). Also, speaking of charisma, stop assuming that I'm not attractive just because I can't pass a disguise check; 12 is a perfectly good stat for a scrawny priest who is overly tan and perpetually covered in road dust and twigs after being a Messenger for the past ten years. I'd like to see you traipse around the continent nonstop, and without a horse, no less!

And go finish that "plushie" you’re making of me. It's bad enough that you made the rest of the group first, but now you've left me half done! ...What’s that? ... Oh, SwampFox says he also wants to be one, so you better get to work and hope that you have the right green. It isn't our fault that you didn't know me well enough to know I'd befriend an orc, and then plan yarn colors accordingly.

~Cyneric Conroy, Order of the Fleet Fox and SwampFox, Badfang Clan